$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
