so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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