We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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