it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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