in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This is my gift to your gina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
