Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
