My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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