I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
