When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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