Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
