My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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