can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
