First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The power of my boobs compel you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
