It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
