We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
