ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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