The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
