we made out on top of his cat.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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