oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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