There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
