just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
