why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
