I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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