i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
