His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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