Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
