May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
