wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
