yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
