hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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