he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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