A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
