careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
