I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize