we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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