I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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