I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
