Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize