question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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