just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
