ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
