In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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