just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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