I've blown a few things in my day
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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