having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're a waste of cheezeits
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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