you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
