i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
