suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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