I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
