I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
