she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
