Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
