Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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