the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
