I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
