can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
