he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize