Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
