you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
