better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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