it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
