I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How naked do you want me to be?
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