I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
