WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
