I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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