if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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