So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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