did you get engaged???
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
