hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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