i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
