But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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