so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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