seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
