Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I died a long time ago.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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